just come out here and I will go home with you...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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