If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
