Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
