when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
