She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I have tasted many bathrooms
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
