So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
