My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you win again, gameday.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
