We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
