I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
