I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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