ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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