The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
