speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
