Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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