omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
