Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
