get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
