i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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