I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
