White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
