HIV tests are more positive than that guy
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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