As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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