We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
so much tequila, so little girl.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
