What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
