Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
