alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
