We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
