just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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