she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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