i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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