i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
