Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
