At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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