She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
