Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
