you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I AM VODKA MAN
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
