It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
