not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i think i just lost a toe
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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