i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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