how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
