You can't motorboat a personality
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
