Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
