When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
