I wish i was in the wii world.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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