I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
