I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
