I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
