Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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