I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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