but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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