I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
