Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
