i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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